...the drunks...damm them 
-sarah -sarah -sarah -sarah -sarah -sarah -sarah
I wonder what it would sound like to hear myself think...perhaps an incessant ticking that would eventually drive me insane or maybe a discreet whirring... a sound easily forgotten.
On and on, awake, asleep...i suppose it is only natural that one would begin wishing for an escape. To simply stop thinking. Oh sure, everyone's heard of those zen masters that can do it, but you don't really know if they are doing it anyways and it is supposed to take many years to achieve.
Sometimes I feel like death is rushing towards me. Like there is no time for anything short of reproduction. Take away all our fancy devices and we only want to pass on our genes.
At the polar extreme is my morbid imagination. I wonder if it is the same for everyone, after all it's not really a common conversational subject. "Hello, my name is Sarah and I dream of dying on a daily basis." Hardly socially acceptable material. Although I suppose dream isn't the correct term. More accurately I have a run-away imagination. Example: I'm driving and the front tires skid a little bit. In less than a minute I've already imagined the crash, my comatose form in a hospital room, and Tanya artfully sobbing at my funeral. Sick? Very. I don't consciously bring up these thoughts. Instead the half-formed images bubble up like fragments of a forgotten nightmare.
I can't stop these kind of thoughts. They get to their worst when I'm alone...every shadow is a killer that has already buried my body, every noise a demon that has come to claim another tiny piece of my sanity.
I suppose that this is partly why I love music and dancing so much. They focus your thoughts on the pattern of the music and movement, leaving no room for anything else. Following behind music is sex and then video games then reading and so on. Each a distraction from unpleasant and unwanted musings.
Sometimes I feel as if I'm tricking everyone into thinking I'm a nice and caring person. I feel as if a dark thing is lurking just around every corner, laughing and taunting me with it's knowledge. It knows what I really am because it is that part of me...and all I can consciously do is half-heartedly chase after it, scared by what I might find. What I might really be.
(You must forgive the unfocused form of this post. Each idea is hammering on the inside of my skull, clamoring to be let out first)
Is this insanity? Or am I just trying to proclaim my individuality? "I'm crazier than all of you...when I stare at the ceiling it flows and slides like lava" Really.
I'm out of words for the moment...but be assured, they will return.
Isn't it cute? I just realized that i could make a beautiful blog without being a web design genius. Blog skins has tons of templates...I already have a Card Captor Sakura and Chobits template lined up ...they're all so beautiful *tear*
Gah I'm feeling so lazy today...
Well preparations are being made for Wonderland, Tany wants to work at a chesire cat costume and i'm planning something similar to the queen of hearts. *Dibs on the bouncy playground*
I also started watching this kick butt series called 12 Kingdoms...but there are a lot of similar terms that I keep getting mixed up tho like "Kaikyaku" and "Kirin"
Speaking of Kingdoms I got my copy of The 10th Kingdom on Sunday *yay* Oh I just love Scott Cohen in that movie...Wolf is sooo perfect, especially when they go to Love town (yes i know the hopeless romantic syndrome is a terrible curse)
And i thought Wario Wares was bizzare...
Dance the dance
I just realised I have 50 Gmail invites, so if anyone wants an account leave your email in the g-bookie and I'll send you one.
mmms yes I'm enjoying myself...I went to frequency last night (this morning?) There was around 1500 people and some amazing DJ's so it was a blast. We even saw some Gompies *yay*
Errol is at his parents house for a while so I can't see him *pout* but tomorrow is family day so I will be pretty busy anyways. (Riding the glass elevators in Canada place is important business!!)
[credits]
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