
i still am in shock.
although i did gather up enough braincells to get myself a lovely mocha (with a mountain of whipped cream) as a preliminary celebration. *yumm
now to go home and CLEAN MY ROOM (it really has never been so exciting) as this week i was lucky to keep up with personal hygiene, let alone maintain my usually freakishly neat room...now order shall be restored! *maniacal laugh*
now i need to destress and be excited for Christmas...
i still have Christmas shopping to do for several people and then i get to <3 wrap presents <3
(which, like school supply shopping, is one of my weird favorite activities)
mmms, i really would like to go to candy cane lane as well and i have to dig up my copy of the grinch (which is no doubt hidden/buried after my haphazard move)
i want to start baking this weekend or at least at the beginning of next week (because i will have the house to myself) hmms, chocolate chip-walnut, those choco crackle ones and of course shortbread and sugar cookies.
i'm excited to go snowboarding again too (even though it has proven to be very painful)
me and richie have to start making our disco dragon...finding a dragon pinata might be difficult, but hey a disco unicorn will be cool too
-sarah Our emotional state of choice is Ecstasy. Our nourishment of choice is Love. Our addiction of choice is technology. Our society of choice is utopian though we know it will never be. i like it *g -sarah -sarah -sarah -sarah -sarah
Our religion of choice is music. Our currency of choice is knowledge. Our politics of choice is none.
You may hate us. You may dismiss us. You may misunderstand us. You maybe unaware of our existence.
We can only hope you do not care to judge us, because we would never judge you.
We are not criminals. We are not disillusioned. We are not drug addicts. We are not naive children...
We are one massive, global, tribal village that transcends man-made law, physical geography, and time itself.
We are The Massive. One Massive.
We were first drawn by the sound. From far away, the thunderous, muffled, echoing beat was comparable to a mother's heart soothing a child in her womb of concrete, steel, and electrical wiring.
We were drawn back into this womb, and there, in the heat, dampness, and darkness of it,
We came to accept that we are all equal. Not only to the darkness, and to ourselves, but to the very music slamming into us and passing through our souls: we are all equal.
And somewhere around 35 Hz we could feel the hand of God at our backs, pushing us forward, pushing us to push ourselves to strengthen our minds, our bodies, and our spirits.,
Pushing us to turn to the person beside us to join hands and uplift them by sharing the uncontrollable joy we felt from creating this magical bubble that can, for one evening, protect us from the horrors, atrocities, and pollution of the outside world. It is in that very instant, with these initial realizations that each of us was truly born.
We continue to pack our bodies into clubs, or warehouses, or buildings you've abandoned and left for naught, and we bring life to them for one night.
Strong, throbbing, vibrant life in it's purest, most intense, most hedonistic form.
In these makeshift spaces, we seek to shed ourselves of the burden of uncertainty for a future you have been unable to stabilize and secure for us.
We seek to relinquish our inhibitions, and free ourselves from the shackle's and restraints you've put on us for your own peace of mind.
We seek to re-write the programming that you have tried to indoctrinate us with since the moment we were born.
Programming that tells us to hate, that tells us to judge, that tells us to stuff ourselves into the nearest and most convenient pigeon hole possible. Programming that even tells us to climb ladders for you, jump through hoops, and run through mazes and on hamster wheels.
Programming that tells us to eat from the shiny silver spoon you are trying to feed us with, instead of nourish ourselves with our own capable hands.
Programming that tells us to close our minds, instead of open them.
Until the sun rises to burn our eyes by revealing the dis-utopian reality of a world you've created for us, we dance fiercely with our brothers and sisters in celebration of our life, of our culture, and of the values we believe in:
Peace, Love, Freedom, Tolerance, Unity, Harmony,
Expression, Responsibility and Respect.
Our enemy of choice is ignorance. Our weapon of choice is information. Our crime of choice is breaking and challenging whatever laws you feel you need to put in place to stop us from celebrating our existence.
But know that while you may shut down any given party, on any given night, in any given city, in any given country or continent on this beautiful planet, you can never shut down the entire party.
You don't have access to that switch, no matter what you may think. The music will never stop. The heartbeat will never fade. The party will never end.
I am a raver, and this is my manifesto.
***
and so obiol wasn't that bad....lots of writing and drawing pictures. Physiology today wasn't too peachy but upwards and onwards, i say!
When i got home today i couldn't even think, so i planned to lay down for a bit and read and instead fell asleep for two hours. At least I feel a little recovered now. Tomorrow is my LAST TWO EXAMS...i still am scared for anatomy although the midterm really wasn't that bad for that course.
The light is appearing at the end of the tunnel
I'm going to wear my hello kitty shirt tomorrow too - it's exciting ^o^
bah, so nervous. I have my Obiol midterm in about half an hour...i don't know that cramming any more will help me at this point.
So yesterday after being all upset and confused (and undoubtedly angsty) i called richie and lee and told them both that i need them to be my friends right now, and nothing more. I actually feel a lot better today - well about that, exams still make me feel disgusting.
I need to go to Richie's on saturday and pick up all my stuff, i really don't need any more confusion/drama caused by a couple textbooks and t-shirts (because there really isn't that much there)
sdiuvhksnd i better go walk over to DPC and get this stupid exam over with.

.sweet mystery, reveal thyself unto me
alright, so i really should be studying.
and i suppose i will tonight. Right now i just feel brain dead.
(As if this week couldn't get any more stressful)
When my mom told me this afternoon, i didn't even blink (let alone cry) I feel like i'm experiencing some sort of weird shock, an absence of emotion. I knew i was very close to the point of not caring with my exams but this is just ridiculous.
I have four more exams, the next two are 30% a piece, then i finish off on fridaywith a 60% anatomy and 40% DH211. Did i mention the take home exam for the holidays?
(and classes start again on January 2, 8am sharp)
then there's the romance situation...it's really not romantic right now. Its stessful, confusing, painful and consuming a lot of effort that should be directed at the afformentioned subject.
This saturday i can either be in edmonton (which would involve going to Lee's birthday bash, among other things) or i can be in cold lake trying to work things out with Richie. So me being me, i made a p&c list (i also have the beginnings of a very long L/R list, but that's a whole different story) when i should of been studying after my biomaterials exam.
Staying Here
- I will be able to do a lot of things that have been neglected during exams (spend much needed time with family, spend much needed time veging out, clean my room*oh God yes* go christmas shopping, watch the Grinch etc)
-I will be able to go and have fun dancing at Lee's party without the constant threat of school lurking
-I can dress up (hopefully including my Shambles wings) for said party
-said party is a 'toker's ball' (gross--> very smelly/smokey)
- I'll see Lee at the party
- i will have to take all my stuff out of richie's house
Cold Lake
- I hopefully will get some alone time with richie, where we can talk properly (although he has to work during the day and has roomates)
-taking a bus could be fun
-maybe i could bring some homework
- if i go i will feel like he's trying to push me around and succeeding
- i will be cooped up during the days
-i don't know anyone in cold lake
- i will be four hours away from home
-seems like a good chance to work things out - do i want to take it??
besides all this, saturday doesn't exist for me right now
MY WORLD ENDS ON FRIDAY DECEMBER 15 AT 4:00 PM
gah
must study
/try to
i feel so icky, just tired and angst-y, and worried.
not very pleasant
I'm hoping that once i make it through exams everything will seem at least a little bit more cheery.
(for now i really am very Scrooge-like, i mean i haven't even watched Grinch yet, i didn't help set up the Christmas tree/village and i haven't even contemplated Christmas shopping yet)
"And for your present, I passed my biomaterials midterm!!"
Part of me just wants to go forward by myself. Just face up and tell them that I need to be alone. alone alone.
Then of course i get all paranoid and clingy and think about the fun that i am having (and with whom)
Other times i just put off thinking about this type of thing.
It really has surprised me though...there have been a couple moments when I've been with Lee and all of the sudden it hits me right there. Just in the right spot, sort of a tingly shock that is very nice and yet very confusing.
don't rush anything, just figure out how to breathe for now.
And of course the other moments where it feels like there is something twisted and rotten inside me. Where I feel like i'm on the edge of a realization to awful to get any closer to.
Turn around and you catch it, for a fleeting moment, just barely from the corner of your eye. And then gone, only leaving an unrecognizable feeling clutching at your entrails.
The order of the day: dramatic, angsty and enigmatic. Sorry, but you have wasted your time.
[credits]
x[kynz]x
x[baby n cweety]x
x[brushes]x
05/18/2003 - 05/25/2003
06/22/2003 - 06/29/2003
06/29/2003 - 07/06/2003
07/06/2003 - 07/13/2003
07/20/2003 - 07/27/2003
07/27/2003 - 08/03/2003
08/03/2003 - 08/10/2003
08/10/2003 - 08/17/2003
08/17/2003 - 08/24/2003
08/24/2003 - 08/31/2003
09/14/2003 - 09/21/2003
10/05/2003 - 10/12/2003
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11/02/2003 - 11/09/2003
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11/30/2003 - 12/07/2003
12/07/2003 - 12/14/2003
12/21/2003 - 12/28/2003
01/04/2004 - 01/11/2004
01/11/2004 - 01/18/2004
01/18/2004 - 01/25/2004
02/01/2004 - 02/08/2004
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03/28/2004 - 04/04/2004
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12/05/2004 - 12/12/2004
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05/18/2008 - 05/25/2008