what a whirlwind day! Lots of ups, downs, inbetweens and ???
[nutshell]
I had a full morning of lectures and then got some pretty snazzy grad photos taken only to lose my stupid car keys and then proceed to play ROCKBAND.
I talked to Chris today - he's been more attentive/i've been less paranoid (?) My trust capabilities are virtually non existent at the moment... i keep feeling like i'm just going to be massively screwed over.
I guess I just have to remember one of my new fave mantras
"No matter what happens, I'm going to be okay."
That combined with a whole bunch of really positive thoughts (I love myself!! Lots!!) can do wonders when I'm feeling bummed out. I've also begin to better understand that what you put out to the world comes back to you - only intensified... so if i'm feeling upset, thinking happy, positive, and calming things are much more logical than a gloom and doom , self pitying attitude ^o^
Although I haven't figured out where venting fits in, lol.
(because i need some of that right about now)
Richie really has pulled his last string - I had thought that it maybe would work out someday with him, but this time he really has gone too far.
Not only did he cheat on me twice ...he thought that girl was pregnant. To make himself feel better he treated me like crap and told me I was manipulative, controlling etc.
but that's all old news...basically he tried to blackmail me into seeing him using my student loan info. NO ONE threatens my school (which is basically my life right now) and ABSOLUTELY NO ONE who actually CARES about me would EVER stoop so frickin LOW.
does it make sense to stay with someone who feels better by making you feel bad?
of course not
God knows i still miss him, that i still feel like calling him and trying again to make things better - but it simply will not work. I think I miss the old Richie - the one who smiled when i did something ridiculous, who wanted to work as a team to conquer the world...the richie i understood and trusted. I don't think there is anything left of that person and that's what makes me the saddest. That wonderful amazing person has changed - just as he said he was - and there is someone who is a lot more harsh in his place.
I feel like I want to hate him, but the second last thing he needs is more hate. And the very last thing he needs is me. I somehow add fuel to his angry fires...i don't even know how to talk to him anymore and I certainly don't understand him any more either.
'...and it hurts with every heartbeat. But I don't look back'
Onwards and upwards, deeper and deeper
-sarah
[credits]
x[kynz]x
x[baby n cweety]x
x[brushes]x
05/18/2003 - 05/25/2003
06/22/2003 - 06/29/2003
06/29/2003 - 07/06/2003
07/06/2003 - 07/13/2003
07/20/2003 - 07/27/2003
07/27/2003 - 08/03/2003
08/03/2003 - 08/10/2003
08/10/2003 - 08/17/2003
08/17/2003 - 08/24/2003
08/24/2003 - 08/31/2003
09/14/2003 - 09/21/2003
10/05/2003 - 10/12/2003
10/12/2003 - 10/19/2003
10/19/2003 - 10/26/2003
11/02/2003 - 11/09/2003
11/09/2003 - 11/16/2003
11/30/2003 - 12/07/2003
12/07/2003 - 12/14/2003
12/21/2003 - 12/28/2003
01/04/2004 - 01/11/2004
01/11/2004 - 01/18/2004
01/18/2004 - 01/25/2004
02/01/2004 - 02/08/2004
02/15/2004 - 02/22/2004
03/28/2004 - 04/04/2004
04/18/2004 - 04/25/2004
06/20/2004 - 06/27/2004
07/04/2004 - 07/11/2004
07/18/2004 - 07/25/2004
08/15/2004 - 08/22/2004
08/29/2004 - 09/05/2004
09/12/2004 - 09/19/2004
09/19/2004 - 09/26/2004
10/03/2004 - 10/10/2004
10/10/2004 - 10/17/2004
10/17/2004 - 10/24/2004
10/24/2004 - 10/31/2004
10/31/2004 - 11/07/2004
11/21/2004 - 11/28/2004
12/05/2004 - 12/12/2004
12/12/2004 - 12/19/2004
12/26/2004 - 01/02/2005
01/02/2005 - 01/09/2005
01/09/2005 - 01/16/2005
01/16/2005 - 01/23/2005
01/23/2005 - 01/30/2005
01/30/2005 - 02/06/2005
02/13/2005 - 02/20/2005
02/20/2005 - 02/27/2005
02/27/2005 - 03/06/2005
03/06/2005 - 03/13/2005
03/13/2005 - 03/20/2005
03/20/2005 - 03/27/2005
03/27/2005 - 04/03/2005
04/03/2005 - 04/10/2005
04/10/2005 - 04/17/2005
04/17/2005 - 04/24/2005
04/24/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/08/2005 - 05/15/2005
05/22/2005 - 05/29/2005
05/29/2005 - 06/05/2005
06/05/2005 - 06/12/2005
06/12/2005 - 06/19/2005
06/19/2005 - 06/26/2005
06/26/2005 - 07/03/2005
07/03/2005 - 07/10/2005
07/10/2005 - 07/17/2005
07/17/2005 - 07/24/2005
07/31/2005 - 08/07/2005
08/07/2005 - 08/14/2005
08/14/2005 - 08/21/2005
08/21/2005 - 08/28/2005
08/28/2005 - 09/04/2005
09/04/2005 - 09/11/2005
09/11/2005 - 09/18/2005
09/18/2005 - 09/25/2005
09/25/2005 - 10/02/2005
10/02/2005 - 10/09/2005
10/23/2005 - 10/30/2005
10/30/2005 - 11/06/2005
11/13/2005 - 11/20/2005
11/20/2005 - 11/27/2005
11/27/2005 - 12/04/2005
12/04/2005 - 12/11/2005
12/11/2005 - 12/18/2005
12/18/2005 - 12/25/2005
01/01/2006 - 01/08/2006
01/29/2006 - 02/05/2006
02/26/2006 - 03/05/2006
03/12/2006 - 03/19/2006
03/19/2006 - 03/26/2006
04/09/2006 - 04/16/2006
04/16/2006 - 04/23/2006
05/14/2006 - 05/21/2006
05/21/2006 - 05/28/2006
05/28/2006 - 06/04/2006
06/11/2006 - 06/18/2006
06/18/2006 - 06/25/2006
06/25/2006 - 07/02/2006
07/02/2006 - 07/09/2006
07/09/2006 - 07/16/2006
07/16/2006 - 07/23/2006
07/30/2006 - 08/06/2006
11/19/2006 - 11/26/2006
11/26/2006 - 12/03/2006
12/03/2006 - 12/10/2006
12/10/2006 - 12/17/2006
12/24/2006 - 12/31/2006
01/14/2007 - 01/21/2007
02/11/2007 - 02/18/2007
02/25/2007 - 03/04/2007
03/04/2007 - 03/11/2007
03/11/2007 - 03/18/2007
04/15/2007 - 04/22/2007
04/29/2007 - 05/06/2007
06/03/2007 - 06/10/2007
06/17/2007 - 06/24/2007
07/22/2007 - 07/29/2007
09/23/2007 - 09/30/2007
09/30/2007 - 10/07/2007
10/07/2007 - 10/14/2007
12/09/2007 - 12/16/2007
12/23/2007 - 12/30/2007
12/30/2007 - 01/06/2008
01/06/2008 - 01/13/2008
01/20/2008 - 01/27/2008
03/16/2008 - 03/23/2008
04/27/2008 - 05/04/2008
05/18/2008 - 05/25/2008
